


Fíli's Late Night Pizza Joint

by Taupefox59



Series: Fíli's Late Night Pizza Joint [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Durincest, Dwarf Beauty Standards, Fiki, Fluff, Get-Together Fic, M/M, Not Related, So many references to cute animals, and swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 13:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4062046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taupefox59/pseuds/Taupefox59
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Fíli spends works at a late-night pizza place and spends way too much time looking at photos of baby animals (and swearing about it), and Kíli gets sexiled a lot, and is weirdly okay with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fíli's Late Night Pizza Joint

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DrakkHammer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakkHammer/gifts).



> Beta'd by the eternally fantastic [My_Trex_has_fleas](http://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas)
> 
> Authors note 1:
> 
> "Research" for this fic was the *best thing ever*.
> 
> Authors note 2:
> 
> Click the links. I promise. Just do it.
> 
>  
> 
> Authors note 3: This fic is for the wonderful [DrakkHammer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakkHammer/pseuds/DrakkHammer), for being lovely, generous and kind - essentially the one who knocks on your door with an apple pie in hand when you've moved in to the neighbourhood.  
> If the *fic* doesn't cheer you up, then hopefully the abundance adorable small creatures will. ;)

It was 10:38 P.M., and Fíli was sweeping the floor.

The restaurant wasn't due to actually close until midnight, but it had been nearly an hour since the last customers had left, and even then there had never been more than a scant trickle of customers for the entire afternoon.

It had seemed a prudent and reasonable decision to clean up and go home early.

A short, dark-haired man walked by, slowing down as he passed the windows to peer inside the still-lit restaurant.

Fíli saw him, but kept his gaze down on the floor, hoping that the man would think them to be closed. Part of Fíli felt bad; after all, the restaurant was supposed to stay open for nearly another hour. The man probably just wanted something to eat - there was precious little else open this time of night - but Fíli’s desire to go home was greater than his guilt. He swept at non-existent dust bunnies in the corner and pointedly ignored the figure outside of the shop.

The man reached the doorway, spent a long moment looking at the door presumably reading the hours posted - before peering inside the restaurant. He stood in the doorway, silhouetted against the light from the parking lot. Fíli continued his sweeping, hoping the man would just go away.

It took several more long moments, but he did.

Fíli let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t be willing to serve someone who came in this late at night, but he’d already cleaned all of the dishes, and stowed all of the various toppings in their proper place in the walk-in freezer in the back of the kitchen.

Five minutes later, Fíli was refiling the napkin dispensers, and the man walked by again. He once again slowed down when he walked by the door. Fíli pretended to be utterly absorbed in his tasks, though he did feel a bit safer. The man hadn’t come in earlier; the chances of him coming in this time around weren’t very good. Nonetheless, Fíli acted as though he was completely consumed with his cleaning. If he acknowledged the man outside, then the stranger might think it alright to come in, which, truly, was the thing that Fíli wanted the least. Thankfully, after a few long, long seconds of peering through the windows, the man walked away.

Fíli let out a relieved sigh, and moved on to gathering the salt and pepper shakers that needed to be filled up.

It was 10:47, and Fíli had finished distributing fresh containers of powdered parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes on every table. He turned to look out the door, when he saw the man from earlier sitting on the curb, staring out at the empty parking lot. Fíli watched for several long seconds. The man didn’t move. There was no telltale blue glow of a screen that meant a mobile phone, he didn’t seem to be waiting for anyone. He was simply sitting alone on the lip of the pavement.

Fíli could feel the guilt bubbling up in his stomach. The man was small and skinny, wearing a hoodie, stained jeans, and a backpack that was clearly several years away from being new. Fíli was battling with himself; on the one hand, it had been quiet for _hours_. He just wanted to go home. On the other hand...the man didn’t look particularly well off. Fíli knew for a fact that the only other thing open at this time of night was going to be the servo down the road.

He tried to steady his resolve, gritting his teeth and turning away from the windows, so he couldn’t see the man sitting outside.

It didn’t work.

 

The longer Fíli worked, the worse he felt. The poor man might not even have anywhere to go. It was 11:05. Fíli went to check the stock of the toilets, hoping that by the time he returned the man would be gone.

He was not. It was 11:12.

Fíli could tell just by looking that the man the man hadn’t moved. There was still no friendly glow of technology. It was just the man, with his battered rucksack, staring out at the parking lot.

With a sigh and a curse for his sentimental nature, Fíli went into the kitchen, retrieved a serving of breadsticks and put them onto the conveyor that would take them through the oven. Having started the food, he walked over to the door and stuck his head out.

“Hey,” he said, “Are you okay?”

The man startled at the noise, spinning violently, and nearly losing his balance even though he was sitting down.

“What? Oh! No! Yeah. I’m good. I’m fine!” The man was looking at him with huge, brown eyes.

Fíli mentally gave a curse. How was he supposed to resist a man who was [actually a puppy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCcNMgZOO-8)? “Do you want to come in? We don’t close for another hour…”

“Oh! No! No. It’s totally okay, I don’t want to get in your way or anything. I don’t want you to stay open for me.”

Fíli found himself once again cursing. How were eyes like that allowed into the world? It wasn’t fair! Large and dark and framed by sooty lashes; Fíli felt as though he’d been given the trust of a helpless creature. Something endangered. A [tiny giraffe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ80VZblogM), maybe, or a [fucking baby ocelot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06O4lFGaSHY). He let out a sigh. So much for making an early night of it.

“I’m here for another hour, whether anyone comes in or not. If I have a customer at least it’ll look like I’m doing my job.” Fíli said.

The man hesitated again, “I don’t want to be trouble.”

“Far from it,” Fíli said, forcing enthusiasm into his voice, “You’ll be giving me someone to talk to.”

With a final glance at the mostly empty parking lot, the man finally nodded. “Yeah, alright. If you’re sure.”

“You’ll be doing me a favour.” Fíli lied.

“Thanks.” The man said with a shy smile before he got up, grabbed his backpack and followed Fíli inside.

Fíli walked in, and slid back to his customary place next to the till, behind the long, bar-style counter that ran the length of the restaurant.

The man settled his bag on the floor before sitting on one of the swivelling stools at the counter.

Here in the light, Fíli realized with a start that the short man was not a man at all, but instead probably the skinniest dwarf he had ever seen. Not in a way that seemed malnourished - the dwarf was fresh-faced, with lush, dark hair, and thick scruff that would likely grow into an impressive beard given time. Nonetheless, he lacked the trademark sturdiness of their kind, instead having a build that was lanky and lithe. It was well hidden beneath the worn hoodie that was printed with a fading logo for ‘EREBOR UNIVERSITY SWIM & DIVE’, but in the light, the clothing was clearly hanging loose on a surprisingly thin frame.

Distantly Fíli assumed he must be a student at the school so clearly advertised on his clothes.

“Do you want some breadsticks?” Fíli asked, determined not to stare.

“What? No, uh…” The dwarf trailed off, awkwardly, hands flying to check his pockets. “I don’t actually. Uh. I mean. I just. I forgot my wallet at home.”

“It’s not problem. I have some in the back.”

“Uh. I mean, I can’t-”

“They got ordered earlier and nobody ever picked them up.” Fíli said, cutting off the spluttering with a smooth lie. “If you don’t want ‘em, I’ll have to throw them out.”

“I- I mean. I...are you sure?” he asked. The dwarf trailed off and bit his lip. Fíli watched the motion and was struck by how _red_ his mouth was. Like a [bunny that had just eaten strawberries.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00zfjynooM0)

“Nobody else is going to eat them.”

“If you’re sure-”

“I am.” Fíli said.

The dwarf ducked his head, before meeting Fíli’s eyes, with that stupid, distracting smile. “Thanks.”

“Of course.” Fíli nodded away the thanks and then went back into the kitchen, where the breadsticks were waiting, fully cooked, at the end of the conveyor under the warming lamp. He put them in a basket and quickly ladled some dipping sauce into a bowl. He brought it out and set it in front of the dwarf at the counter.

“Here,” Fíli said, pushing the basket forward.

The dwarf stared at the food with wide eyes and a delicate flush appearing along the arch of cheekbones, “Really. Thanks.”

Fíli had to bite his tongue at the reappearance of that fucking look; guileless brown eyes under tangled dark fringe. He was tempted to reevaluate his conclusion that this was a dwarf, because he had to be [at least half kitten](http://mastercatscinema.tumblr.com/post/49207423954/scruffy-kitten). [Or an owlet](http://www.dosgatos.com/birds/owls/photo004.html). Or a [goddamn sugar glider](http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/3/12/10/enhanced-buzz-7466-1363099755-4.jpg). (Fíli wasn’t about to admit to the amount of time he spent looking up small animals online, but he wasn’t about to deny it, either.) This dwarf easily could have fit in with any of them.

“So,” Fíli began, desperately searching for some kind of distraction from his revelation, “What brings you out tonight?”

“Oh!” The dwarf said with a laugh. “My roommate, he’s, uhm. He needed the space for a while tonight.”

Fíli’s eyes widened in immediate understanding. “Oh. And so is that what leaves you forgetting your wallet at home?”

The dwarf let out a groan and scrubbed at his face. “And my phone.”

“Had to leave in a hurry, I take it?”

“It suddenly seemed like a very nice evening for a walk.” the dwarf said, eyes twinkling, and a mischievous smile on his face.

Fíli couldn’t help but laugh, “Is that what we’re calling it these days?”

The dwarf scrunched his nose at the teasing and then somehow managed to fit nearly an entire breadstick in his mouth. “Mfph mmh mumbbhmm.” He said, gesturing grandly.

Fíli realized he was staring at the dwarf’s long, spindly fingers. “Well put.” Fíli said, and then he motioned back to the kitchen, as though he still had any work left to in the back “I’ll be right back.”

 

_What was he doing?_

 

It hadn’t quite been a week when the dwarf came back. Fíli was once again alone behind the counter, but this time the restaurant wasn’t completely empty. (Granted, there were only three people there, and they’d pushed together two tables to make room for their food and their books as they studied furiously for something.) The door opened, and the bell rang. Fíli looked up only to see the lanky, [fawn of a dwarf ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4XT9YKYI0Q)walk in. Fíli smiled at him and got a wave and a smile in return. Fíli barely managed not to choke on his own spit. This stupid, skinny fucking dwarf, who became a [fucking seal pup](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/12/article-2085835-0F6D781400000578-455_638x689.jpg) when he smiled. What did Fíli ever do to deserve it?

The dwarf walked up to the bar and once again settled his bag at his feet. “I remembered my wallet this time.”

“I thought you didn’t have time to grab it last time?” Fíli asked.

“Ah, well. Yeah. Sometimes it’s best to just...not open the door.”

“This time you had some warning?”

“By this time I’ve learned to just keep my wallet in my bag,” the dwarf said, making a face of utter distaste.

Fíli laughed. “Well, what can I get for you, then?”

“Please tell me you have beer.”

“Need something to get over the trauma?” Fíli asked.

“It’s not always that traumatising!” the dwarf protested with a grin, “It’s a lot better now! We’ve worked out a system!”

“I see,” Fíli said, nodding sagely, “And it works?”

“...Most of the time…”

“Right.” Fíli said, mostly managing to not start laughing again. “I need an ID before you get a pint.”

“Oh, right!” the dwarf said, before furgling through his pockets, and pulling out a thin plastic card which he quickly handed over.

It was a terrible picture. The dwarf looked pale and sick, with dark patches under his eyes, and patchy beard showing up starkly against pasty skin. Fíli glanced from the picture to the dwarf in front of him. “This is a good shot of you.” Fíli said.

“Aren’t they always?” The dwarf said, but was unable to hide his blush.

Fíli looked back at the card, this time checking for the birth date.

“Your name is Kíli?”

“Oh! Yeah. Did we forget that last time?” The dwarf said with a laugh, “‘Name’s Kíli. Nice to meet you.”

“Fíli.”

“For real?”

“No.” Fíli deadpanned, “I’m lying to you.”

The dwarf- Kíli- laughed again, his eyes were huge and sparkling and warm. Fíli was lost for a moment trying to come up with a comparison. Fucking...[fucking _slow loris_.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18-xvIjH8T4) He handed Kíli’s ID back to him, and then walked to the bar to get his beer.

 

_Why was this happening?_

The next time Kíli came in was only three days later. Fíli was surprised to see him. It was late afternoon, but the sun was still high in the sky, filling the restaurant with warm, golden light. Kíli’s hair caught the sunlight and transformed from the near-black that Fíli was used to into shifting tones of mahogany, and shining auburn highlights. He was a fucking [chocolate lab, frolicking in the sunlight](https://youtu.be/u7xlbfgG5KU?t=34s).

He came through the door, and sat on what was fast becoming his usual stool at the bar.

“Please tell me you came here for the food.” Fíli said.

“Ehm…” Kíli said with a wince.

“Are you serious? It’s not even six! How often do you actually get to live in your own house?”

“It’s not a problem. It’s fun! I’m getting to meet new people!” Kíli said.

The worst part was that Fíli could tell the enthusiasm wasn’t even faked. Like a [bouncing fucking lamb](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpKTZuTlF7A), frolicking in a field. How was Kíli even real?

“I’ve met you!” Kíli continued, with that same, stupid, sunshine-incarnate smile.

“I highly doubt that meeting me is worth never being able to be in your own room.”

“It’s really not so bad!” Kíli said, “I mean. My roommate is really nice.  If I asked, he would totally stop.”

“You’ve been sexiled at six in the evening and you’re not going to ask him to stop?”

“I don’t want to get in the way of him living his life!”

“What about you living yours?” Fíli asked pointedly.

“I am!” Kíli said.

Fíli just raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“No, really! It’s totally okay. And, if I ever asked, he’d totally let me have the room. He’s really cool.”

“Okay…” Fíli said, though he was clearly unconvinced.

“No, seriously. He is really cool. And, like. Really hot.” Kíli paused for a moment, then felt the need to reiterate, “like, _really_ hot.”

Fíli stared for a moment, wondering just how to take that comment, when Kíli started talking again.

“He’s just. He’s huge, y’know? And like, he totally offered to help me out, if I ever wanted, and I mean. I took him up on it once or twice, and he’s the best wingman, but like, I just can’t keep up with him, y’know?”

Fíli nodded in commiseration, though in truth, he didn’t know. He had no idea. However, he had the feeling that maybe this was the kind of thing where a person simply agreed on principle of agreement as opposed to actual understanding.

Kíli looked up again, and there was a different light in his eyes; something softer than the unbridled enthusiasm of earlier, something wet, dark and trusting. [Fucking baby bat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuvaos1WHTk), Fíli thought to himself. Then remembered that Kíli was still talking.

“And when it comes down to it…I just, I mean I could, probably, if I tried, but I don’t really want to. It just isn’t me, y’know?”

 

Fíli stared at the skinny, bony fucking dwarf sitting in front of him, who had just shoved an entire slice of pizza into his mouth. [Fucking chipmunk.](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1393140/Corn-gob-Greedy-chipmunk-stuffs-face-tasty-kernels.html)

 

There was a sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized that he might just be a little screwed.

 

_How was this even fair?_

 

Kíli came in to the restaurant three or four times a week over the next several months, always with the same wide, brown eyes, and impossibly bright smile, and hopelessly tangled hair, and the stubble that really was getting thicker (not that Fíli was paying attention to it), and always, always with the same reason.

Fíli had yet to meet the illustrious Bombur, but, if Kíli was to believed, he was practically Durin reborn.

Every time Kíli came in, there were new stories about Bombur’s amazing feats of Dwarfish superiority. Bombur had beaten the entire rugby team at arm wrestling. Bombur and his friend Dori had taken on the entire rowing team at tug-of-war - the entire team, against just the two of them, and beaten the team soundly. Bombur’s beard reached his knees and weighed nearly two stone! Bombur could eat the entire buffet when they went out. They’d gone hiking, and when they’d spotted a bear in the distance, Bombur had turned around and managed to outrun every single other person on the trip.

Fíli wasn’t entirely sure if Kíli’s crush was platonic or not. He mostly managed to not think about it. (If he managed to not think about it because he had busied himself by searching for topics like ‘Smiling Baby Animals’ and then mentally comparing them to Kíli, well, no one would ever know about. No one. Ever.  Because he wiped his search history. And would never tell anyone. And would quite probably enact violence against anyone who ever found out.) Fíli did learn, however, that Kíli himself pursued a fascinating - if not terribly dwarvish - array of interests.

Kíli’s long hair was always in tangles because he spent time in swimming laps in the pool nearly every afternoon, and he left his hair loose to create extra drag. Kíli was the best distance-swimmer that the University had seen in years. ([Fucking baby otter!](http://www.tnaqua.org/images/uploads/subpages/Otters-_underwater2.jpg)) He was also the only dwarf who’d made the dive team in over two decades. Kíli loved rock climbing, and loved to cross-train at the bouldering gym on campus. ([Baby goat.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtUz514rXKo)) (Fíli did not [crave that fucking mineral](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3b/cc/31/3bcc319315c916e43a111ec73499d200.jpg), thanks, ever so much.)

Kíli came in one day, when it was finally too warm to justify wearing his usual baggy hoodie. He walked in the door, setting off the bell, and headed straight to his usual stool at the bar.

Fíli had no words.

Because, Kíli. Kíli was not [a hamster](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOCtdw9FG-s), with his face stuffed with pizza, or a [baby gazelle](http://www.orlandoparksnews.com/2011/04/busch-gardens-welcomes-new-baby-gazelle.html), with endless legs sprawling in every direction; he wasn’t [a baby elephant](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InCUx_Z3AYo), blinking dark eyes out of impossibly long lashes. No: Kíli [was a foal](http://connemarapony.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/Bridge-Farm-Azzaro-1-500x333.jpg), long and dark and lean, but with the promise of strength hiding behind delicate limbs. He would never be a draft horse; would never have the broad bulk that was so coveted by dwarfkind; but there was a grace to him. Kíli’s t-shirt clung to his arms, which had been sculpted by long hours immersed in the water, or training on climbing walls. The fabric was stretched taut across his shoulders, but clearly showed where Kíli lacked the stout dwarven barrel-shaped rib cage. Instead of the sturdy width that was so common among dwarves, Kíli’s chest tapered to a trim waist, where baggy trousers were clearly held up with a belt.

Kíli was - well, Kíli was nowhere near the image of Dwarvish beauty, but Fíli couldn’t help but be transfixed, because, there was a lightness to Kíli’s steps that Fíli had never quite seen before. Because Kíli’s eyes were more expressive than half of the books that Fíli had read. Because Kíli would smile at him, and Fíli would feel like he was being trusted with something precious.

Kíli had no idea about the turmoil that was happening in Fíli’s head; settling his bag into its usual place by his feet, and turning with a grin. “I’ll have my usual.”

“I want to date you.” Fíli blurted out, not even looking at Kíli, still caught in his head.

“Yes.” Kíli said immediately, almost before Fíli had even finished the sentence.

Fíli missed Kíli’s response  when he realized what he’d just said and proceeded to freak out.

“Oh, shit, no-”

“No?” Kíli’s head jerked up in panic. “Wait. No? No what?”

“No. I mean. Yes. Shit. Did I actually just say that? I can’t believe I said that.” Fíli said, still not quite processing his appalling lack of brain-to-mouth filter.

“Did you not mean it?” Kíli said, distress making his voice high and thin.

“Of course I meant it, I wouldn’t just - wait.” Fíli paused for the first time and took in Kíli’s wide eyes, pale face and trembling mouth. Wait. Wait. Shit. “Did you say yes?”

“Yes I said yes!” Frustration and fear made Kíli’s voice brittle, “Then you said no!”

“I didn’t mean _you_ no.” Fíli said.

“Then what the hell ‘no’ did you mean?” Kíli shot back.

“That was a me no, a ‘I can’t believe you let that come out of your mouth’ no!” Fíli cried out.

“But I said yes!”

And that was when it sunk in for Fíli. He’d just asked Kíli out- however accidentally - and Kíli had said yes.

“Oh shit I’m so sorry.” Fíli said.

“Sorry for what?” Kíli asked, face clouding over with confusion and hurt.

That was not a look that Fíli ever wanted to see on Kíli; especially not if he was the cause.

“No. Look. I just- Can I do this again?” Fíli said, starting to feel a bit desperate to get the situation back under control.

Kíli just looked at him, “Do what?” he asked.

“I want to date you.” Fíli repeated. He paused, then continued quickly, “Can we get coffee? I - I don’t work this weekend. Maybe, Saturday afternoon?”

Kíli searched his face, “You want to take me out for coffee.” he said.

Fíli’s heart sunk a bit at Kíli’s hesitation. “Yes.” Fíli tried to pour all of his conviction into the single syllable as it left his mouth.

Kíli stayed silent for painfully long moment, and then he smiled, slow and warm, like [a goddamned baby sloth.](http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/20-sloth-smiles-revealed#.kym5pAdq4) “Yeah.” he said. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Thank fuck.” Fíli murmured and closed his eyes, unable fight the wash of relief that coursed through him.

Kíli let out a breathless giggle, “Yeah?”

Fíli opened his eyes again. “Yes.”

Kíli somehow managed to bite his lip and smile at the same time.

It was shy and coy at once, and more adorable than any wide-eyed baby animal that Fíli had ever managed to google. He felt a kind of happy, nervous twisting in his stomach at the sight of it. He was sure he was smiling stupidly by that point, but he couldn’t help it. He was going on a date with the sweetest creature on the planet.

“So. Um. Your usual, yeah?” Fíli finally managed to say.

Kíli nodded, causing his messy hair to fall back into his face, but he never stopped smiling. “Yeah. That’s. Yeah.”

Fíli realized distantly that his hands were shaking. He should- he should probably do something other than stand there.

“Right.” He said, completely unable to wipe the grin off his face.

“Right.” Kíli agreed.

“I’ll just-” Fíli turned toward the kitchen, then turned back, “This one’s on the house.”

“Oh!” Kíli said, “You don’t have to-”

“I think it’s the least I can do after that mess.” Fíli cut him off.

“You don’t have to make up for asking me out?” Kíli said, raising an eyebrow.

“Just this once.” Fíli said. “Don’t argue. Aren’t you a starving student?”

Kíli laughed, completely unable to deny the accusation. “Okay. This once.”

“Good.” Fíli said, with a decisive nod. He shot Kíli another giddy smile, then managed to pull himself into the kitchen.

 

_He had a date._

 

**Author's Note:**

> [I'm on tumblr!](http://taupefox59.tumblr.com/) If you ever want to say hello, leave a prompt, ask a question or just talk. :D


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